Snuff

http://www.noisecreep.com/2009/12/18/slipknot-snuff-short-film-premiere/

I kind a like the movie. It reminds me when I was in love for the first time. It was awful;/ hahaha So far he has been the most exciting thing I have had in my life. I wish it had lasted longer. We talked some months ago and it was super complicated. It is still tough and really weird and I don't even know why I care. However, we can't dwell on the past when we have so much to look forward to. And I guess things have changed for me now. But you know what they say, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

"w h a t d o y o u w a n t ?

y o u, o b v i o u s l y. "

i'm so sick

I' m so sick of everything now... and most of all I'm sick of reading :(

РОКЛЯ

Няма я!

Преди няколко дни бяхме с приятелки в Мола и там сестра ми си хареса една страхотна черна рокля. Струваше само 39 лв., а наистина изглеждаше стилно. Аз обаче й мрънках, че съм гладна и искам да разглеждам в книжарницата за няколко книги - при което тя неможа дори да я премери. Затова й обещах, че като ходя пак към Мола, ще вземем тогава роклята.

И днес се оказа, че това била най-купуваната рокля и е останало само 1 брой от нея - за съжаление - продавачките не искаха да ми я дадат да я купя ;/ Чувствам се гузно, трябва да се реванширам за Коледа ;/

Да хвана пътя

.... искам да обикалям вечер улиците :)

Something

- If light we are seeing is millions of years old, then the stars might already be dead. But it's not just the stars that are in the past. It's everything. Even you looking at me now.

- So you're not you?

- No, I'm me. But you're seeing me one billionth of a second ago. So... everything is history. And relationships are just memories. Except for the light. Which is in its own present, our past and someone else's future.

:S :S

Съдба

Кой казва, че няма съдба? Вчера гледах Глад и днес сутринта имам проблеми със стомаха. Дори отидох на лекар и ми предписаха някакви лекарства, така че си останах вкъщи.

Сега ще имам време да допиша всички неща, за които нямаше да имам време иначе:)

Ще пиша в тоалетната хаха

Последните дни

Всеки път отлагам да започна с комикса ми. Първо беше, заради разни проекти, с които ме занимаваха лятото. Сега дойдоха още 2 много важни проекта.... нз.. в представите си като малка повече имах желанието да обикалям света и да се срещам с интересни хора, да ходя на срееееееещиииии... и разни такива. Определено не да стоя и да пиша 100 милиона неща, които са ми ужасно скучни ... и толкова дълги и понякога си мисля, че нямат край. Накрая тъкмо свърша с нещо и ми възложат нещо ново. Мисля, че намразих вече така любимият ми преди компютър.
Книгите, които си купих преди 2 седмици (може би и повече време стана), изобщо нямам време да ги отворя дори. Изобщо всеки ден преминава в работа и очакване да правя това, което искам. Плаши ме понякога това, че когато най-после имам време, вече няма да знам какво искам да правя наистина. Определено имам нужда да се напия вече, нищо че някои хора ме смятат за sXe... А аз дори не съм де;]

От всички задължения, които имам напоследък - само се отчайвам и скучая. Може би дори се депресирам донякъде хахаха. Обаче гледах един мн добър филм One Million Yen Girl. Предполагам, че всички, които са го гледали накрая са имали желанието да направят като момичето във филма- да бягат всеки път като спестят 1 милион йени. Искам да бягам - бягам - надалече - ОТ ВСИЧКО И ВСЕКИ :) Определено филм, който те кара да мечтаеш :)

too exhausted to be annoyed

This weekend was Halloween and I had the best costume ever.. but the party was some sort of giant constructing -tourist-areas- coca-cola - party ( I HAD TO STUUDYYYY ;/ ). I know it sounds pathetic but between the projects, accounting, the classes and my extra projects (hahahA), I have too much on my plate already. I wish I could have two plates :) Or maybe a chafing dish :)

SOoooo..

Nothing interesting round me except I was freezing to death yesterday when I had to go to the City Center because of some meetings. Not that it's something that surprise me it's November already and I guess it will be snowing very soon.

And...I play the game Castle Age when I'm not writing my projects. I don't know how to win in the battles... they all kill me ..lol and I hate to be so bored!!! My blog is such a mess...

Sorry, it's just I have no real social life anymore.

white trash beautiful

...

i don't like it

A point taken

Orpheus - the greatest musician that ever lived. Do you know his story?

So, Orpheus loved one thing more than music and that was Eurydice, the most beautiful girl that ever lived. But she died. She was poisoned. And Orpheus could not live without her. So he went down to Hades to bring her back. The ruler of Hades agreed, but there was a catch. If he turned back to look at her face she'd be gone forever. Just before he got to the surface he heard this rock crash behind him, so he turned back to see if she was all right. And that was it. The gates to the underworld slammed shut. She was gone forever. And he spent the rest of his life wandering the Earth alone.

.... an interesting story...

don't laugh at my romance

lately, I have a perfectly normal existence: working, university, art (:S) and concerts. However, I'm really getting sick of how much time I'm spending at the uni and I wonder whether I shouldn't just ignore everything :)

So the movie I watched today was " Don't Laugh At My Romance"but I got mad cuz it's always difficult for me to download the right subtitles and to make them appear on the screen. Ugh...

aand.. I started reading the book "The death of Ivan Ilyich"by Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy - it's really great. I'm still at the beginning so can't tell you a lot... BUT I guess next week I'll be able to finish it ;] In fact I've started this book cuz I'm just trying not to think of this person..., you know... distracting myself with other distractions. But it's difficult and I'm supposed to pretend I'm not feeling what I'm feeling :/

bored bored bored

art.....

the first one is called :I want to play... ah n the 2nd: I'm in love with someone who doesn't exist
p.s. have to stop taking photos like this.

diaries

Dear Diary,

Something awful is going to happen soon.

be there, for me.

art

terrible

last day

Soooo.... vacation is over and it's time for work and university.

That kinda says everything.

Oh... and I hate university!

art

well, it's all about priorities so the most important stuff first obviously. I have some new art here:

http://sickornot.deviantart.com

I guess I'll have some free time next month so I'll try to do something better:P

Александър

Аз съм човек на списъците. Правя списък с нещата, които трябва да купя, нащата, които не трябва да забравя да взема, нещата, които трудно запомням. Правя си списък с подаръците, които искам от Дядо Коледа. Имам списък и за това, което искам да имам и което никога няма да получа. Изброила съм нещата, които никога не съм правила и никога няма да ми стиска да направя. Да живеят списъците .... и с имената на всички хора, които се оказаха не такива, за каквито ги мислих.. Тези хора се промениха тотално и вече не са същите, които познавах преди. Уфф незнам защо са ми всичките тея списъци ...

Много рядко пиша на български, че и на кирилица, но днес гледах нещо, което не очаквах да предизвика такава реакция. Реших, ....

Реших, че ще напиша нещо за филма в блога си. Гледах кратък документален филм "Александър" на Борис Николов. Става въпрос за Александър а.к.а. Шута, който сега пее в едни от най-добрите български групи според мен - Brothers In Blood, She Was Asking For It. Не се разказваше за алкохол, жени и наркотици. Не се разказваше и за скапаната държава, в която живеем и всички скапани хора, не ставаше дума за скапаната чалга, която дори в момента дочувам леко, тъй като съседката ми отгоре й се слуша без слушалки Константин.

Това не беше филм, това беше изживяване - истинско, неподправено. Сигурна съм, че дори и тези, които не слушат такава музика биха мислили по този начин.

Александър разказваше през целия филм за нещата, които са го вдъхновили и са го направили такъв, какъвто е сега. Всички приятели, които е загубил. Разказваше за татусите, които си е правил - всеки един е свързан с някоя тъжна история.
Не искам да се правя на хардкор фенка и да развивам теории за братството, за това как трябва да си силен и тази музика спасява животи. Не става въпрос за това да бъдеш част от някакво общество, защото е модерно, защото така може да сваляш мадами и да бъдеш готин, да се наливаш с бира и да намериш начин да изкрещиш на света ФЪК ОФФ. Става въпрос за истински хора - такива, които не правят списъци с всички ужасни неща, които им се случват, които с всеки удар на съдбата доказват само колко са силни и как никой неможе да бъде като тях. Не се стараят да бъдат уникални, различни и харесвани от всички.

Има просто хора, които те привличат и имат някаква аура около себе си, като полъх....който обаче е толкова силен, че те замайва - променя те и те прави по-добър.

Хахахахаха неисках да звуча така.

Респект за филма и за човека Александър!

it just feels so right... and how little has changed

I'm drawing again:)

It's been awhile since the last time I've done anything. But it's high time to finish some of my old things (hahaha isn't it strange how I just called my art) and I GUESS I'll put them on my profile on deviantart..pretty soon.

So just wait a little bit more cuz maybe I'm back for good;] I have a lot of things to show n I can't really think of a lot more interesting ways to express my passion.

And yeah.. it is friday but I had the most boring night ever. Nothing happens. I meet some old classmates talking bout their perfect life but they can't really live it that way, end of story.

Well, I have nothing to say. Goodnight..

behind blue eyes

Limp Bizkit baby.

It was a great show. I'm very happy I had the chance to go and see them live in Sofia. Lately I spend a lot of time thinking bout why I go to almost every concert here. Well, what can I say.. maybe I'm a freaking fan n damn..why not flaunt it and be proud of it.. eh.. ok (?)

But I don't feel like it....

Strange, I seemed to have caught the "word-searching" sickness so I can't tell you exactly what I'm thinking:)

This blog is def one of the most stupid things!

goodnight

I saw things that I shouldn't have tonight tonight

Sunday morning, or maybe I should better call it noon :)

I've watched some movies and read some books... I see no point in writing bout them. Noone cares.

Alphaville

I've just watched a movie - called Alphaville. Used to think it's an old band. However, there's a movie with the same title. Although it's pretty old, I guess it turns out to be very interesting. Not amazingly interesting but still interesting. It's about a town (Alphaville) where all the emotions are forbidden [FOR SURE THAT"S HOW THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN REAL LIFE, TOO]. For example, if u cry - they will catch u and kill u cuz it's not allowed. Ugh.. and Anna Karina is so pretty, isn't she?

I don't usually watch old movies, but this one touches me. N really... if you're sick of brooding artists - this one is for you.

I read a book - After Dark by Huraki Murakami- who is a Japanese writer. If you want - check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haruki_Murakami

Besides this, and the amount of ice-cream I eat -nothing interesting to write bout. (That sounds like the perfect way to spend the summer.)

Last months, there was some heartbreaking story round me bout which I won't write much. It's strange how it takes almost twice more time to get over it, than the relationship lasted. I wish it's not true in my case.

MMmmmm anything else to share with u:)... I told u I'll spend some time reading bout web design, photoshop etc. I have this book that I'm reading. But I get bored so I start some other book. Looks like I have to start all over again the old one....

Alaska

Dreaming of Alaska and 36 crazyfists :)

long time no talking:) sorry for that.

I've been busy..... been to some concerts here n I've heard for the first time Bios (a band from Greece)  n ... ahh.. the vocal was really cute. 

And.. uh... uh.. I'm sick again but I enjoy the summer anyway. 

By the way .. here is something really nice:

Lyrics by Hyro da Hero :

Hey how you doin, excuse me my man

I'm just looking for change, get a bite I could grab

I'm sorry to bother, hope you understand

I misplaced my wallet gettin out of the cab

Oh you don’t have, it’s cool my man

The suit that you're wearing made me think that you had

But why you so rude, my dude, you mad, your attitude could get you stabbed

Give me your money, and give me it fast

I thought you ain't have it, your lying bitch ass

???

You should have gave money the first time I asked

It’s funny how you start to change so fast,

First you was mean, and now you got class.

All of a sudden, I don't understand,

I changed your life with this knife in my hand

No need to be nervous, this man here is worth it

I'm smart, I'm young, I'm pretty, I'm perfect

You wanna be cool, then don't be a virgin

Why you ain't laughin, just kiddin, I'm flirtin

Why I can't touch you, you scared of this person

I thought I'm your man, you don't love me or somethin

Makin me mad, I'm funna start cursing,

It's been six months, we supposed to be fuckin

I'm tired of waiting, I'm tired of touching

You try and fight back and girl I'm punchin

What, you think my parents goin bust in

Nobody here, you mouth can keep runnin

Tell the whole school, they won’t believe nothing

I'm popular, you're a nobody ????

Wanna be close, then ????

open them legs and stop all the fussin

I gave up on livin, I gave up on life,

Yeah, I'm tired of trying to get all my shit right

Man I gave up on bitches, I gave up on friends

I wish I start over, beginning again

Begin to be wise, and be what I can,

Instead I sit here with this drink in my hand

Thinkin down on myself, feeling less than a man,

Why was I chose to be treated so bad

Don’t try to stop me, I'll be free at last,

Free from the pain, and free from this land

Tell my people I love them, yeah they'll understand,

I'm jumping off, catch me if you can

I tried so hard trying not to get here,

I do realize that I may go to hell

But take me Lord, I don’t want to live,

I don't realize why I'm livin like this

America America the land of the great,

The land of the free, and the land of the fake

Who'd ever thought that I'd make it today,

The black president of the United States

I sit in this office, I pray and I pray,

Cause this nation got people that want me away

List: try, John McCain, George Bush, Hillary,

Assassination is what they say

Obama Osama, they slander my name,

My old ??? give me ??? to preacher the heat

Got drunk off the fame, almost messed up my game

They go at my wife off some little shit she say,

But if you wore her black, then you'll feel the same

It's hard for me, cause this black man gets blamed,

Moreover, if u want.. check out Dead Irons (it's totally sick ... art by Jason Shawn Alexander).

pf

ако тоя ден не съществуваше -нямаше да е толкова зле.

умирам за сън, а ще ходя на зъболекар + още 2 неща дето не искам да ги правя.....

пфффффффффффф пф пф пф пф пф пф

искам да дойде утре 12 часа.

аргххх

so cry me a fucking river bitch

i do really love this ...

p.s. nothing interesting to talk bout today.

Touch of pink:))))))))

I love it ... And it smells so........... niceeeeeeeee

the umbrella academy

Recently, I had some free time and spend it reading this comics.

It is written by Gerard Way (* the lead vocalist of My Chemical Romance) which proves nothing really. It could be just as tasteless as all the things I've read recently. Art is by Gabriel Ba and it's great.. no.. but interesting.

And obviously , this whole thing wasn't what I was expecting.

The story is bout 7 superheroes who reunite after their father's death( in fact Sir Reginald Hargreeves is their adoptive father). My best of them all is number 00.05 (the future). He is cool cuz he looks like a child but he is much more older and ...obviously he can travel through space.. Well, I haven't read the whole story yet cuz I hate reading in a hurry but I needed to write about it here.

You should all read it cuz it's kind of different and there aren't too much information to be lost in.

And let's face it Gerard Way's style of writing is wealth, privilege n atrocious.

Music

Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud and press play. Use the song titles as your answers. Don’t cheat. ;)

1 - How does the world see me?
Song: Life In Your Way – Light in Mine.
Comment: I’m the light to the world according to the lyrics…..hah…it leaves me speechless (blush).

2 - Will I have a happy life?
Song: Time Lapse Consortium – I done Already Been Up In There
Comments: I guess not then.

3 - What do my friends really think of me?
Song: Fall Out Boy – 7 minutes in heaven (Atavan Halen)
Comments: Hmm… interesting, they think I’m an emo. It’s awful.

4 - Do people secretly lust after me?
Song: Incubus - Azwethinkweiz
Comments: Brandon is the Sex., so maybe people secretly lust after me. I’m not exactly surprised u know=D

5 - How can I make myself happy?
Song: Tool - Sweat
Comments: Questionable..sweat would make my life hell, or more hell!

6 - What should I do with my life?
Song: Unsun - Whispers
Comments: That doesn’t sound too good.

7 - Why should life be full of so much pain?
Song: Disturbed – The Night
Comments: Ah well, cuz during the night there are some bad creatures… love this song <3. *headbangs on heavy guitar part*

8 - How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Song: Tool – Maynard’s Dick
Comments: Now I know what I’m looking for…Maynard’s dick! That sucks in a way. I have no comment here.

9 - Will I ever have children?
Song: A Perfect Circle – Sleeping Beauty
Comments: I will sleep all the time. So I’ll be such a lame mommy and I won’t take them to school every morning and prepare breakfast….(sign of relief all around especially cuz of the breakfast :D)

10 - Will I die happy?
Song: Soulfly – Downstroy
Comments: Doesn’t sound like a happy death.

11 - What is some good advice for me?
Song: Alesana – Red N Dying Evening
Comments: I’m confused with this one.

12 - What is happiness?
Song: Funeral For A Friend – The Getaway Plan
Comment: Indeed, to get away from this all. I want to travel more often but not alone- this will really brighten my day.

13 - What is my favorite fetish?
Song: Disturbed - Remember
Comments: Oh yeah Disturbed ..

14 - How will I be remembered?
Song: Disturbed -facade
Comment : Yeah, am I supposed to pretend I’m not feeling what I’m feeling…NO!..so what seems to be the problem?



it could be mor interesting i guess...

song meanings- A Perfect Circle

BLUE - I love this song of APC.. it's so sweet and although it's always dificult to find out what exactly Maynard means .. I make this stupid and lame interpretation :

I didn't want to know
I just didn't want to know
Best to keep things in the shallow end
Cause I never quite learned how to swim

Obviously, he doesn't care bout the truth, he is so fed up with everything that he prefers to pretend things are like before – perfect and simple. It's so much easier for him to stay and sink into the oblivion than to move on. In addition, he is sick with all the complex things in his life and he needs things to be easy. His past make him suffer a lot but he never quite learned how to fight with the fake and ugly people - how to be strong.

I just didn't want to know
Didn't want, didn't want,
Didn't want, didn't want
Close my eyes just to look at you
Taken by the seamless vision
I close my eyes,
Ignore the smoke,
Ignore the smoke,
Ignore the smoke

This line "Close my eyes just to look at you": well.. truly.. this is my favourite part of the song. But what does it really mean? Is it cuz he wants to stay blind for the world and things that are going on, so that she could stay with him? He's like closing his eyes for all the bad things.. and that way…in his memory she is clear, pure and perfect – the way he wants her to be.
The "seamless vision" - okay, almost 5 years I thought it was SEEMLESS VISION!.. but it's seamless or leaving no trace. This is probably the vision of her.. that is only in his memory –he is obsessed with it - it’s not true and he’s living in some kind of a dream.

Call an optimist, she's turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call an optimist, she's turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you

He just try not to think bout her, distracting himself with everything else. And finally, she is gone (dead or just he doesn't love her anymore) and he's relished. Blue is such a lovely color for her - cuz it represents his feelings and how he doesn’t want her anymore. Although she is so ..pretty, she lied to him, and he is better off without her.Now that she is gone ... he can be free again.. or something like that J

Because I don't want to know
I didn't want to know
I just didn't want to know
I just didn't want

Mistook their nods for an approval
Just ignore the smoke and smile

No wonder… he wants to ignore the talk and the lies (the smoke) cuz they make him feel useless and desperate.
Call an optimist,
she's turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call an optimist, she's turning blue
Such a perfect color for your eyes
Call an optimist, she's turning blue
Such a lovely color for you
Call an optimist, she's turning blue
While I just sit and stare at you
I don't want to know
To be continued :)

hellbounds on my trail

blah , blah, blah?
this day is strange. n there are some lame girls round me.. it's really boring to play nice with all of them... I see how a thousand people are relish to take down some others... what's all that for? How desperate can you be to act like that ?
but...
I'm kind of okay with that though:)
At least I don't have to go trough my whole life, worried my best friend will humilate and betray me, cuz I know it already.
mmmm let's face it-- D. hates everyone lately. No wonder I listen to Children of Bodom a lot - especially their last album... which is so... pretty:)
That's all I can write today, cuz there is nothing interesting to talk about, I'm just trying to do all of my projects at the uni which makes me feel sick.
def need to go back home for a day...
okay goodnight (zzzz)

I hate Mondays...TOTALLY :)

For those of u who love mondays, i have the biggest news ever - for me this is the most awful day of the week.

Today it was snowing n I had the most boring classes at the uni.. you have no idea what it's been like.. to sit 3 hours and listen bout sex tourism or bout the great and super cool book "Harry PoRter" pffff....

But guess that's how things are supposed to be...

The question that really bothers me today is : did 'd' think bout HIM and will she get without a fight?

p.s. was it only a day since i have this blog... and still.... I have no idea what to write here :)

Back Off Bitches

I don't know what exactly am I going to write here.. but probably it will be useful someday:)